Brown relates how over the years he has asked his highly successful athletes "what are some of the things your parents did to help reach this level of success that any parent could do?." One of their significant answers was that they had parents who had at an early age "released them to the game." They released them to the team and released them to the coach.  What does this look like?  From the kids point of view all the successes were theirs, all the failures were theirs, and all the problems they had were theirs.  These athletes had parents that said the experience was theirs – “it was their thing.”  Parents did not coach from the sidelines nor did they bring up team dynamics with the child.  Brown says this is one of the greatest gifts you can give your son or daughter.  Though this is difficult, parents must always remember it is their child’s experience, not theirs.

There are not many places in a child’s life that parents can do this.  Is there a safer place for children to take risks than the sporting field?  There are not very many places in life where a parent can say “this is your thing; whatever happens is fine.”  We certainly don’t want them taking risks academically? Or with alcohol? Or driving a car? Or with friends?  Taking risks in these areas can lead to serious repercussions.  But parents can do it with sports – they can enjoy watching and supporting the child’s effort, but it is their child’s choice to do it.  If a child is willing dive on the floor for a ball or to take the last shot of the game the results, good or bad, or not life altering.

Parents must learn to release the kids to the coach; don’t instruct them unless they ask, that is the job of the coach.  However, with young kids you must know that they are safe physically and emotionally because we all know there are people who are not safe for kids to be around.

Brown lists some red flags to recognize if parents have not released their son/daughter to the game:

• If they continue to take credit when things go well – “I showed him how to throw that curveball and we struck out 12 today”, “We spent a lot of time working on her 3’s and then we buried it at the buzzer.”
• If they try to solve all the child’s problems before they become problems.  Parents   that want to smooth things over and ensure the experience is perfect. There can be no bumps in the road.  There can be nothing bad in the child’s sport experience and   if there are issues “can’t we just get everybody together and talk it out.  Can’t I   talk to the coach for you.”
• If parents continue to try to coach their kids, after the kids know more about the   game than the parents do. 
• When the kids try to avoid the parents after games or are embarrassed, in any way,   with the parent’s involvement. 
• If the parents suffer the losses or celebrate the wins more than the child does it   is a sure sign the parents have not released the kids to the game. 

Brown gives the example of how after a soccer practice one time his daughter was obviously upset.  He asked her what was wrong and she said “Dad, the coach doesn’t like me.”  He said to her “it sounds like you have a problem.”   He further added that he would be willing to sit down with her and discuss some ideas of how she could approach the coach but he added “… but this was your decision to play.  Soccer is your thing and now you take care of it.”  He also added “all the good things are yours and all the problems are yours.”

One of the best gifts a parent can give a child is to say “this is your thing.”  The parents need to be there to support their child and encourage the child but must remember this is their activity.